Dave Barry Forum Withdrawal

I’m sweaty, crampy and I’ve got the shakes. Did I eat too much snow? (see the Doc Gurley post on yellow snow) Or am IDaveBarrybookcover.jpg suffering from withdrawal symptoms because the Dave Barry Forum is (gasp) gone? The site claims that Dave Barry is changing the forum’s technology, so it will be down for “4 to 5 days.” Today is Day 4, Hour 6, Minute 32 and 5…6…7…oh what the heck, eight Seconds. I’ll never make it.

For those who believe that something more sinister may be afoot (or aweb), I have some information that might support your belief. My last encounters with His Comic Genius, I had posed the question that perhaps room temperature ketchup (one of his presidential policies) might not be such a good idea–public-health-wise. Moments (mere moments, I tell you) before the forum ceased to exist for oh these interminable hours, this is what happened:

Question: Dear Your Honor, I bring insider info to the ketchup issue. Did you never wonder why ketchup bottles in restaurants are always full? As a former Ten Step Pin winner for Documented Excellence in Waitressing, I regret to inform you that one of the tasks of “closing” a restaurant is to assemble all the ketchup bottles, top them up, wipe around the opening with a dirty rag, and, if a last bottle is a bit low…ahem…add water. People in the know (waitresses/cooks/busboys) don’t use room-temperature ketchup (urk) unless they can pop the top when it opens. Doc Gurley, SF, CA 2/21/08

Answer: Thanks for the info, but just for the record: I never said restaurants were hygienic. I just said you don’t need to refrigerate (or, as the kids say today “refigerate”) ketchup. But I am glad that this issue is finally getting the attention it deserved, although my so-called “opponents” continue to ignore it. Dave Barry 2/22/08

If you read between the lines, His Honor, Dave Barry, has perhaps conceded that room-temperature ketchup may not be the best idea. However my ketchup policy victory now tastes like so much spit-soaked sawdust (or room-temperature mustard?), since the Hallowed Dave Barry Forum can no longer be found on-line. Coincidence? Perhaps not. Is the Forum canceled because of a Diva Snit, or is it true that multitudes of computer geeks are chanting nerd-songs as they winch the RAMs and hoist the gigs to get the system up and running again? Whatever the reason, I’ll never make it…

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